"Water for Elephants" by: Sara Gruen (4/100)

I LOVED this book. Thanks a bunch to my friend and co-worker Cheryl for bringing it into my radar. I didn't know how to go about summarizing this book or analyzing or whatever it is that I do whenever I respond to a book I've read. So, I was lucky enough to have some book-group discussion questions in the back of the book :)

-Who did you, upon reading the prologue, think murdered August? What effect did that opening scene of chaos and murder have on your reception of the story that follows?
Basically, I thought it was Merlena. Then again, who would have thought an elephant is responsible for murdering a person? In all honesty I had forgot the intro by the time I was engulfed in the book. It wasn't until that scene came into play that I realized that this sounds familiar.... I probably did an audiable gasp when it happened.
I don't think I read to far into the prologue to see it as a foreshadow to the rest of the book. Looking back it should have warned me about the chaos that was into ensue.

-In the words of one reviewer, Water for Elephanys "explores...the pathetic grandeur of the Depression-era circus." In what ways and to what extent do the words "pathetic grnadeur" describe the world that Gruen creates in her novel?
The pathetic nature of this traveling circus is that these people are not getting paid for the services they provide - however, it is a place to live and not worry as much about the outside world. In a time when people were loosing everything, these preformers have 'something'. In a day and age like today people wouldn't go a week without getting paid, but these people don't seem to mind for months on end. These people have developed a reliance on each other -- sort of family like that has carried them as long as it does. But all good things must come to and end.

-How did you react to the redlighting of Walter and Camel, and eight others, off the trestle? How might we see Uncle Al's cutthroat behavior as "an indictment of a lifetime spent feigning emotions to make a buck" (in the words of one reviewer)?
I didn't see it coming (seems to be a theme for me in this book!). As far as Uncle Al's behavior I can't say I blame him for any undercutting he does. He has not remorse for not paying his employees for months but purchasing an elephant for an enormous amount of money. That doesn't sit well with me and eliminates any trust I would have had in him. And from what I can tell it didn't matter who he "redlighted" it just had to be some one in order to lessen his responsibility.

-Looking at himeself in the mirror, the old Jacob tries "to see beyond the sagging flesh." But he claims, "It's no good...I can't find myself anymore. When did stop being me?" (page 111). How would you answer that question for Jacob or any individual, or for yourself?
What a good question! I ask myself that sometime but I get stumped on "who is 'me'" When was I actually 'me'? I always decide that I'm still trying to formulate that based on times when I was most comfortable and happy. This is actually a good topic to wright more on lately.,.

There were most questions, I'm tired of typing them out now though.

Basically, know it was a good read.
You should read it.
I'm going to look for more books by her.

"Magic Hour" By: Kristin Hannah (3/100)

Kristin Hannah is to Washington state as Nickolas Sparks is to North Carolina.

How's that for a comparison?

If you haven't read from these two authors it basically means that they write almost exclusively about the same places.

Interesting to me. Makes me feel like I know what to expect from them because of their consistency. I can imagine similar places whenever I read and it makes for coherence...

ya know?

It also helps that Kristin Hannah pulled a cool maneuver referring to characters and places from a previous book of hers called "On Mystic Lake". I think of it like Pixar does with it's animated movies where it subtly draws in characters from previous movies (only if you know what to look for).

A brief explanation of the story:

A girl shows up a poe-dunk town called Rain Valley with seemingly no people skills. Ellie, a small town police chief, has never had so much excitement and doesn't know what to do with this child. Even more suspicious is that no one appears to be looking for this child....

At the same time Julia, a psychiatrist from Los Angeles is wrapping up a trial she is involved in. One of her patients had recently gone on shooting rampage at her school and Julia, her psychiatrist, was being pinned as responsible for not catching 'the signs'.

The tie the two situations hold is that Ellie and Julia are sisters, both originally from River Valley. When Ellie was faced with a case that demanded the best of the best in child psychiatry who better then her sister who needed a pick-me-up?

Little was it known that Julia and Alice (the name the little girl assumes) would fall in love. Not only is Julia Alice's doctor she's quickly becomes the girl's mothering figure. That is until the girl's father turns up.

Julia has said, all along, that she would be willing to give Alice back to her rightful parent but when her biological father turns our to be a man convicted of murder -- things don't go as planned.

Convicted apparently doesn't mean guilty in this case because although he was sent to jail the courts have released Alices' father on lack of evidence. Turns out he didn't kill Alice's mother as Alice

Long story short there ^^ Alice leads the group to the place where she and her mother were held captive by some one other then her father (as the jury had originally thought).

So now that her father isn't a "bad guy" and in fact a victim himself is he unfit to be Alice's father? The simple answer is yes because Julia is the only person so far in Alice's known existence who can handle such a special case. However, family trumps everything -- unfortunately.

I won't spoil the end, but that should leave you hanging on what is best for Alice.


In the mean time of everyone handling the feral child situation the main characters also share the need to find love in one another. Ellie falls in love (which she doesn't realize until about 400 pages in) with her child hood buddy who has worked beside her for years. Julia falls in love with the smooth talking, well looking small town doctor.

They also all share some past heart ache...
-Ellie is moving on from her two failed marriages and her many relationships and during this time she realizes that it has been her selfishness that has stood in the way.
-Julie is moving on from her failed career in a big city and finding her niche back her home town that maybe she shouldn't have left in the first place.
-Max (the doctor) is living his life without his son (who died in a car accident) and his ex-wife who has moved on with her life.
-Cal (Ellie's friend and new found lover) is learning that staying in an unhappy marriage doesn't make it work.


Negatives: I feel like maybe we spent too much time 'in the middle' because the end was hurried and the begging didn't set an appropriate pace. I often question what time frame we were in. I didn't like that Hannah had Ellie kissing Alice's father... it seemed out of place and underdeveloped.

Positives: I liked reading a book that was just as centered around a mother's love as a child's. I also appreciate that Hannah doesn't make everything 'right'; There was no making everyone happy in the situation of where to put Alice.

So fifty on the balances. I will probably read more Kristin Hannah books in the future.

I needed a day to myself

The title is the basic truth to it all. I.just.need.time.

But don't we all?

Orrr is it more like we need to learn how to better spend our time.

That's got to be more like it because realitsically no one can create time.

At least not at the expense on loosing out on something else.

It's not like there are points in our daily life where we zone out and do 'nothing'.

Even if we are doing 'nothing' it's a relative term to describe 'something'.

I got ready this morning to go to Mike's family reunion, by myself.

No kids (they were at their dad's)

No Mike (he was downstairs watching t.v.)

Just me.

I turned on a music channel and just did my thing.

No interuptions.

It didn't even occure to me that this was so rare until after I'd been alone for probably about 15 minutes.

I realized it because I enjoyed it.

There was no "Mom!" and there wasn't any "Wesson, no" -or- "Shawn STOP WHINNING"

No "Baby, come rub my back please"

there was nothing for me to do, besides 'me'.

I was gone too long, I guess, because Mike came to find me after some time.

He flopped himself down on the bed and asked what I was doing.

I answered confidently and honestly that I was enjoying my time alone.

Wrong thing to say.

He took that as -- "She never wants to spend time with me"

Which is very not true, but please please please someone confirm for me that time alone is just as valueable!

This annoyed me and upset me because I was having such a comfortable time just being alone that it was an insult to be generalized and made into a problem vesus a solution.

I tried to explain to him two things:

- One, I need time alone sometimes.

- Two, not every little thing is a big thing. *just because I wanted to be alone for an hour doesn't mean I wanted to be alone forever.

Of course it brough on tears and an argument. My confidence dwindled and here I sit, alone (just as I wanted) without going to the reunion.

I couldn't do it. I didn't WANT To do it. So I didn't do it.

Seems selfish and he did tell me he wouldn't be happy that I didn't go, but hopefully he understands.

"Belive I, Be It" By: Ali Vincent (2/100)

The book that I had originally intended on reading second wasn't shipped by Amazon.com in a timely matter. So, I went out in search of another to fill my time. I'm not entirely sure what made me choose this biography versus the others I had to choose from (which at the used book store I went to was completely random). Basically, it looked appropriate because lately I've been watching a show called HEAVY. It's like a cross between INTERVENTION and the BIGGEST LOSER. People have a significant amount of weight to loose and the 45 minute show profiles their transformation in six months. Ali Vincent, by the way, was the first female winner of the BIGGEST LOSER (maybe that information would have been helpful before? Or maybe you already recognized the name?)

What gets me about these books is that the producers are blaming people's significant weight gain because of something more then just a liking for fatting food. It's always something like "I had a terrible childhood" or "I lost my son/mom/grandma/boyfriend". I started to question if this was the case with everyone... I mean, is every single person who has weight to lose in that position because they fill their bodies with food instead of self-worth?

Does this also mean that thinner people are happier?

I'm not sold, but that seems to be the trend in a professional (and of course skinny people) mind. For example, I don't think my weight gain is 100% because I've had a lot of hard times... but it probably contributed. I'd say it's about 50% hard times, 10% craving for bad foods, 30% not knowing the right choices, and another 10% of lack-of-motivation.

--Quotes from book:

+page 128 "Remember, when weight loss becomes a goal in your life, eating right and exercising are just two pieces of the puzzle. Figuring out why you've put on extra weight is the hardest part."
+page 3 "Because behind weight gain are the larger hurts and questions that have to be explored, probed, and understood before weight loss and maintenance is a possibility."

This book was still motivation to figure out why I don't take better care of myself. I suppose the basic answer is that I have been stretched thin in all that I've gone through in the recent history and haven't been able to commit myself completely to either myself or the other people that I'm responsible for. I have decided (or at least now committed to) taking care of me first so that I can be better for the people around me.

This book was about Ali's journey on the biggest loser and how this place taught them to "reinvent themselves" and began to see their lives in terms of "before the ranch and after the ranch". It sounds very life changing and secretly I envied her journey. I do admire her for not taking it for granted. She took all the help that was offered and changed it into something monumentus. At one point she talked about people who are trying out over and over for a spot on the show, but really people have the ability to change themselves.

While the trainers and food are provided on the show, it's the contestants themselves that make the changes. Ali is definitely a "winner" in my mind, not only because she won the BIGGEST LOSER but she won her life back. Another quote that I identified with was, "I'd been just kind of letting life happen to me -- I didn't feel worthy of wanting anything more." (page 4)

Ali, I hear you. Sometimes I want to DO something versus letting it happen and not feeling up the challenge of making change happen.

Another quote -- "Chicken exits are self-sabotage. They give you a false explanation for why you don't have something you want." (page 109) So, in other words there is never an excuse to not do something you want. So if I want to be thin and happy "not having time" and "not having the right foods" aren't going to work. I have the ability to make change happen.

one more, "I was the one who was putting myself in a box. The liberating part of my journey was the realization that if I could put myself in there, I also had the power to let myself out. I held the key to that box."

So, really this book turned out to be motivational and inspiring to me. I'm glad I choose it and I now want to watch the BIGGEST LOSER in terms of life changing stories versus fat people losing weight (please don't tell me I'm the only one who was guilty of thinking so simply?)

I think there will be more inspirational biographies in the future :)

Weekend Aug.27 - Aug.28

I feel bitchy.
I don't have a good reason why exactly but I feel like I did everything in spite of my list these last few days.
That's not to say I didn't have a good weekend.
In fact, it was super productive.
I can't think of a single thing that needed to be done that didn't get done.
Here's what I did;

--We put up new blinds. The flimsy white ones that are probably sold in massive discounts when a builder states that they are building duplexes, were falling apart. With the help of kids and dogs or course. We were starting to blend in with the neighborhood if that tells you any more...

The ones we go from Menards are the type I had in my house in Moberly. They.Are.Awesome.
They're called fauxwood; the panels are thick and heavy. Therefore, they block out massive amounts of light as well as look nicer then traditional "blinds" in an untreated window.
We did the front room and the kitchen. That's all we could (couldn't really) afford to do!


--Next, we attempted to repeat the darkening affect in the boys room since it also receives direct sunlight. Another $80 to put fancy blinds in their room wasn't going to happen. They are durable, but I doubt they would honestly withstand my kids having direct access to them. For their room it was a curtain rod and 'room darkening' curtains. It says on the packaging it blocks out something like 98% of light. I called BS on that and... I was right. It certainly darkens the room, but doesn't completely block out sunlight. Which is okay, I can handle improvement at least.

--Then, I put up a boarder of stars that glow in the dark in their room. Again, I smelled some BS and again I think I was right. While they do have a slight glow to them, I wouldn't trust 'em to navigate me anywhere.
Take a guess at how many times I had to fight the peelie paper and raise my arm above my head to stick individual stars in a random yet even pattern. No, you must guess! (258) okay, now highlight back over the last two sentences.
I'm sneaky... ain't I? :p
Anyway, it was a pain and I wanted to quit, but I stuck it out and it was worth every sticker to hear Shawn say, "Wow!" and that he actually likes it.

--I also planted a new plant. Which isn't all that exciting I realize, but I do like plants and new plants make me happy.

--I even filled my picture frames with...pictures! Yep, I'm one of "those" people who actually had picture frames on a shelf... without pictures inside. I don't know if it would have been better or worst to leave the dummy picture that comes with frames inside versus having just empty frames for about two months.

--I got new rugs for the kitchen in an attempt to cut down on the dirtiness of the floor in their. How does that floor get so dirty? More importantly how can I keep it clean for more then a day at a time?

--Most importantly though, I cleaned out baby clothes! It took me probably 4-5 hours to organize them, find what could be saved and box them up for other families. It is done now and it has been a project to be tackled since before I moved out of my parents house. It was sad to see some pieces go; especially the infant stuff because it's just so darn tiny! I had my moments though and moved on with it. Again happy that I stuck with the project as opposed to just giving up and leaving my mess strung across the garage for another week.


So... I wasn't unproductive I just went against being debt free and didn't spend any time doing anything actually on my list. So now I feel like I have to either add some of this ^ stuff to the list or get over the fact that this weekend wasn't part of "the list".

But right now, it's time to get up on Monday and start another week. I may be back sometime soon to add pictures to this post (I realize all of this will be more read-worthy with some color added).

Thanks for reading!

Tired of labeling them UPDATE (that's what this is)

Today was weigh-in day....
Survey says down one.whole.pound.
"boooo"
I mean.... it's DOWN as opposed to UP but let me whine again about how it is soooo slow going.
This weekend was decent.
I drank (a lot) on Friday night, but that was it.
I wasn't able to keep up with my food journal on the two days, but I'm sure that I was at least in the range of my counts.
I've been thinking of "pay-offs" when I reach certain numbers.
I'm thinking at ten pounds I am going to use a groupon that Mike got me for some spa activities...

I finished a book this week (you saw that!) 1/100.
I ordered another one... Water for Elephants.

I've been pretty good at getting up early. It's not *easy* yet. Before I can cross this off my list, it needs to be easy and consistent. It's going to be a while before this is crossed off... but I have plenty of time.

I brought up the Mardi Gras idea to Mike. Basically saying "I wanna go". Turns out he does too! Conveniently it's right around tax season time...
Potential problems: I don't have vacation until May this year and I was wanting to use nearly all my refund to tackle debt.
It may happen this coming year or it may be a while down the road.

hmm... what else?

On a slightly different note -- the kids started going to a new sitter. I think I am just about as nervous about it as they are. Wesson screamed yesterday and also today.... it absolutely breaks my heart. It's just being in a new place because it could have happened anywhere he went. Also, I was feeling bad because I didn't really prepare him for some place different... but what could I have done with a child less then two??

Shawn seemed to like it, he was in a decent mood yesterday when I picked him up. I was a little scared that something new would bring out the beast in him, but it actually seemed to have a neutral effect - he was neither good nor bad yesterday evening.

He is going to meet his teacher for Title 1 today. I'm so hopping that this specific structure and new environment will do well for him. I'm worried about his first day, tomorrow, though as he has to be somewhere on his own for the first time. I can't read him well yet -- he could be nervous and he could also adjust well I can't tell.

Why am I nervous though? Geeze, it is such a mom thing!

Okay, that's all I have for now.

"The Rescue" by: Nickolas Sparks (1/100)

I didn't struggle at all with the book. Sometimes, it takes me a while to get "into" the book. This one was Nickolas Sparks predictable, but that's why I forecasted liking the book.

The main character is Taylor. He is mid-thirties and unmarried when we meet him. He falls in love with Denise and her four-year-old son who has an undiagonsible condition that affects his speaking and processing abilities. They meet on a stormy night as Taylor finds Denises' wrecked car without Kyle (her son) in it. The book focuses on Taylor and Denise falling in love, but also Taylor's three decade struggle with his loss of his father.

Aside from the facts, the book itself made me a little aggitated at some points. I couldn't believe the crap that Denise put up with at some points! For about a month Taylor becomes distant with Denise and Kyle. He doesn't pick her up for work one night, blowes her off at lunch on mutliple occasions, and disapoints Kyle when he doesn't take him to a baseball game... on his birthday! That was Denise's last straw but even then she gives him opportunities to fix his problems.

It turns out that he is still blaming himself for his father's death as a child when their house caught on fire. What I did like was everyone in Taylor's life told him that he was wrong. I feel like this was the only thing that was going to save him from loosing Denise, Kyle, or some one else in his future.

Denise and I were similar in the way that I hate to feel desperate. I understood how she felt when Taylor was ignoring her and she didn't want to feel desperate. I've felt like that before and it's not of my proudest moments.

I realted to Taylor when he felt obligated to some one (in his case Kyle) even when you don't want to continue the relationship. I've felt like that with people I don't particularly want to be friends with but will do it anyway.

Wants my absolute favorite book because I didn't always relate, but it was simple and a fast read.