Some thoughtful questions...

-Where in your life do you sense false "niceness" ? What's hiding under the "nice" facade?

I feel like I'm falsely nice... a lot. In the work environment we are encouraged to make the "customer" right and that's when I feel my ego stepping up when the feeling isn't reciprocated. Something I heard last night made me think about this. I was actually at "robbery training" and one of the gentlemen giving the presentation said something that I already know but never consciously think about. It's about he energy you give off in a situation. If someone is irrational and hysteric then the entire situation is going to have that feel. So, it's always a good idea to give off the energy that you wish to receive from a situation. Nice doesn't have to be false because I'm not against being nice but I guess what I'm getting at is that I need to mean it in order for it to be given back. In fact at that point it's more likely to be given back and I do think it's entirely possible to be nice in almost all situations if everyone is willing to participate.

-If some one is repeatedly doing rude or harmful things to do you, they may be trying to control you. Who does this to you? What do you want to stop doing for them? What do you want to start doing instead?

I like to believe I've rid those type of people from my life, so instead I want to talk about me being the controller. It's happened. When I was married to Patrick I was controlling of him because I wanted so much more out of him then he was willing (possibly able?) to give. It was exhausting on my end! And I know that it didn't make Pat any closer to the person I wanted him to be. So, basically it was pointless and it took me too long to realize that. I have, however, applied that knowledge to my new relationship so that I don't make that mistake again. I make a conscious effort to not be rude to Mike, to leave him to his own decisions and to accept what he decides. As close as we are we are still separate people and I believe he would and does the same for me so we really shouldn't have an issue unless one of us lets our guard down.

-Where are you telling yourself to not think bad things about someone? What if your thoughts are justified?

I have to remind myself on occasion that everyone lives their lives differently and everyone defines success in their own way. I have a tendency to judge others based on their life choice thinking that my way would have been better. It's hard, but I feel like in this situation giving people the benefit of the doubt or allowing them to reap their own outcomes will be better. One because I'm not projecting my prediction of failure on them and two because it's not something that I need to worry about.




...just a few I wanted to answer. More probably later.